My inner thoughts and creations brought forth

First entry: Intent.

Looking back I can say that I was submissive by nature. I was fine with following others if what they said made sense. I was also very shy and even though I did not know it back then I had social anxiety. In school I would end up in group projects where no one took the lead, or the person in charge did nothing. It would be very frustrating having to do all the work for the group. Due to being shy and having self issue like self hatred and horrible self worth I never stepped up thinking no one would approve or let it happen. In my family after one of my parents passed away I had to step up and take on a lot to help out, even though I was the middle child and barely a teenager. Then when I entered the work force at 16 I saw how people that sucked up didn't have to do their jobs. Being friends with managers they were allowed to just talk and hang out leaving the work for everyone else. When the departments would get in trouble for something not being right these coworkers never got in trouble because the managers liked them. After a few years of experiencing this in other jobs I started taking charge and getting stuff done without having to be told. Even when it wasn't my job or part of my responsibilities.

These situations lead to me having to step up, to take charge. Also in my dating life, and some of my friendships I was the person to take the lead or nothing would ever happen. As the years went on the submissive side of me that was my nature went away and by nurture a dominate side emerged. Now I enjoy being in control in certain circumstances. There are still some circumstances, normal at a job, were it feels uncomfortable and my anxiety/social anxiety comes up but I still take charge and step up. Mostly why I do it at work is two reasons. First because no one usually does and nothing is happening. And 2nd, almost always things are not getting done right and time and effort is being wasted. When it comes to my personal relationships like friendships I feel it out. If the person or people I am with like to make mutual decisions that is how it tends to go. But for those that are submissive by nature I tend to take the lead but also ask for input. In my dating life it is similar, my partners seem to prefer me to take the lead in most things and then come to a mutual decision on the rest.

I am very analytical and introspective, so I tend to spend a lot of time in my head. One of the topics has been judging our country and some of it's laws and policies. Also it's culture. The type of people I come across. And a few other things. So it results in me thinking on how I would run a country, what laws I would have, what would I want the culture to be like, and a few other things. And that is why I am writing this blog. Not for others, it is not a school assignment. It is for me to get these ideas down, to develop them. I hope that during this I will learn more about governments, cultures, and the world as I do research and refine my ideas. Maybe I will use what this becomes to write a book, or use it in a story.

While I am not writing this for others I am putting this on the internet and leaving it open to the public to find and view. I may change this later. People are welcome to comment on these entries but I may or may not respond to them.